Feeling Full of Fail

Ok so I feel a bit like a failure.

Not for saving money on groceries. No, our July bill averaged $130 which is $120 less than it was last year. So when it comes to shopping cheap for food I think I'm winning - those numbers even include pharmacy items.

Where I fail is spending everywhere else. I mean we've cut the internet bill, and the TV bill. Our heating isn't so much as we've worked hard over the years to insulate and repair the building envelope.

But....if I am going to admit it, I'm a spendaholic. If I don't want to emotionally eat, then I emotionally spend.

My Husband and I have a pact. I don't do money at home as I do it at work, and he doesn't answer the phones at home because he does it at work....and it works for us.

Except I become oblivious to where we are with money, and I am doing most of the spending. If he says it's ok, I assume it's because he's checked the budget.

Well for the last 2 months....neither of us have been keeping an eye on the budget...and we may have gone a little over.

Now, a couple of the items were medical tests that aren't covered by OHIP, but we also went all out in updating the backyard so we would actually spend time out there....and it worked really. We find ourselves (him more than me, but I have allergies) outside working on models or suntanning and it's been great.

But, this over expenditure means that we cannot do the renovations we had planned. It means that we have to cut down on all shopping, and there is pretty much no entertainment from here on out.

But when brings to real home to me, is that my spending (going to be honest...I bought 3 pairs of shoes in 2 weeks...granted 2 were from Payless and 1 from Winners...but still, it's mostly my over spending) has potentially cost us to hold off on another treatment. This is the only post I am going to mention this in as I don't want to......I guess define myself by it, but we are doing fertility treatments. Up until now our budget has had it so that we have been able to do so without going into debt. But at the same time we weren't doing anything "fun". So after being married for 5 years we finally went on our honeymoon in March. We did an treatment in May and it didn't work. Initially we may have been able to do another by year end...but my spending means that if we want to do one and remain out of debt for it...we're looking at end of next year....possibly sooner. It depends on how well we do over the next few months.

I thought about leaving my cards at home so I wouldn't be tempted, but that doesn't work as I do grocery shopping on the way home some nights, and I should keep a credit card in case of emergencies. I've been very stern with myself in my head...but I think it will take time to get over some of my spending habits.

I decided today that I will use this handy coinpurse my sister got me in the shape of a frog head. If I go out at lunch (which is when most of my spending happens), I will put exactly X amount for lunch only in the coinpurse, and leave everything else behind (keeping in mind we give eachother an allowance each week...my overspending is above and beyond that money).

From now on I am going to really question whether I really need or just want...any item. This afternoon I was thinking about how great it would be to lay in bed with a down comforter all snuggled with cool fall air. Then I thought..oh we should get a cover for our comforter, and I started to think about what colour we should get and where I could get one...without even realizing what I was doing. I finally had to shake myself and scold myself for thinking of something so trivial. Something that I really don't need and shouldn't be thinking about buying.

So here I am writing a blog about saving money, when I am over spending it. I feel like that chick from the Shopoholics series, except I only have the one credit card and very little to no debt...and I want to keep it that way!

I thought maybe I could think of some ways to make money on the side. I'm not creative really...I'm not good enough at any craft to sell anything. I'm too busy with work and school to think about doing anything part-time and my Husband wouldn't let me because it's not like we are broke...we are just needing to tighten the purse strings.

So the next few months are going to be a test of retraint for me. I am really going to do my best not to spend anything unless a) it's totally necessary or b) I've consulted with my Husband and the money is there to be spent.

It's going to be hard. It really is...all the Tokidoki stuff I would like...the Hello Kitty Doc Martens...going out to movies with my Husband or out to dinner, getting my hair done....lots of stuff I need to put out of my head.

But I will remain strong. I can do this....and I feel by writing it down here will help. It just gives me the added boost of confidence.

So. Who wants to go out for coffee? Just kidding.